Giving someone a second chance is never easy because now you have trust issues. Due to emotional baggage, it is quite alright to feel alarmed and not want to give a second chance. But sometimes people do deserve one last try. How and when should you fix things up without falling back into a toxic mindset?
Together with BebeMur com, we want to present you with a quick guide on how to give people a second chance:
1. Realize that if you have to explain something to a person, you don’t have to explain anything.
If you find yourself in a repeatedly similar situation where a person seems to not understand your point of view, realize that sometimes it is deliberate and a choice. It might be painful but in many cases, you don’t ask them too much. You are just asking the wrong person. Think about it before explaining that you need to have household assistance and basic help for the tenth time in a row.
2. Avoid giving a second chance when your core values are violated.
There are things you should not agree to under any circumstances. If you are positive that cheating is not something you would tolerate in a relationship, and suppose you have been talking about it several times, realize that your partner has made their choice.
3. Quit giving people the benefit of the doubt.
It might be hard to abstain from giving numerous chances, but realize that you are no Mother Teresa. Adults perfectly know what they are doing, so if you already gave them a chance and they chose to blow it, why continuing to hurt yourself and putting yourself in a miserable position? All in all, you are not a jerk for having boundaries.
4. Notice unhealthy relationship patterns.
Noticing unhealthy relationship patterns means that your partner is not the only one who lies, cheats, betrays your trust, embarrasses you, or whatever the case. Remember that forgiving a person over and over is toxic as well. Are you equally guilty of getting involved in the same relationship pattern? Trace the similarities between these situations and fix your attitude.
5. Don’t use your past as a blame game weapon.
You might be tempted to point at your partner’s bizarre and unreasonable deeds as the way to blame them. But what are you trying to succeed with these tactics? If you want to give them another reason to hate you, then go ahead!
6. Don’t be condescending when giving your partner another chance.
You might be naturally condescending because you are the least guilty one and the situation is completely in your hands. However, you can quickly convert it to hate by proxy. If you do not want your partner to project their insecurities, address your issues in a friendly way. Since you want to help the connection, you might as well cooperate.
7. Set strict boundaries.
Since giving another chance sounds like violating the boundaries in the first place, don’t be a fool by letting them step all over you again. If you are compromising self-compliance in this case, let it be the first and the last time you do this.
8. Observe their behavior in public.
If your partner constantly lives on second chances with other people, including borrowing money from friends and never returning it, never helping their relatives or skipping family meetings, and avoiding taxes, why do you think should they not break their word with you? Be very observant of whether they justify the confidence involving other people.
9. Define the importance.
Say how important it is to fix things between you since you don’t usually give second chances. Your partner should understand and appreciate that.
10. Don’t be scared of losing people
Choose only those who choose you. If you see that this person is not willing to change, don’t be scared to let them go. All in all, you will create more opportunities for those worthy of you.